MY AUNT ALISSA POSKANZER
I spent a chunk of time today getting to know my Aunt Alissa
who died yesterday. A strange statement, I know, but true.
My mother’s sister
was not a common part of my life growing up. I didn't see her often as a child
and was 17 before I spent any time alone with her. She was seven years older
than my mom and lived in Jerusalem for most of her life. Our paths crossed during
my childhood on a trip to Boston and when we spent Summers in Manitoba where
she also lived part time to be close to her parents. She sometimes came to
visit us, wherever we were living, but more often we got news through Gramma
and Grampa. Before internet, long distance phone calls or inexpensive
international mail, this was normative life.
When my family made aliyah when I was 17, my aunt wanted to
make up for lost time. My first few months I studied in a program in Jerusalem
and she met me for lunch once a week ‘to check in’. She introduced me to the King
David Hotel and brunch on the terrace overlooking the pool and bought me my
first Israeli made outfit at Hamashbir downtown.
And, once I started studying at Tel Aviv University, she unknowingly
gave me a sense of security that allowed me to travel and explore Israel in a
way that most people don’t. Wednesdays I had no classes. So, Tuesday night I would
pack an overnight bag and go down to the central bus station and wherever the
person in front of me was going, I would buy a ticket as well. Most times, it was Jerusalem or Beer Sheva
(where my parents lived). Sometimes it was somewhere a little more out of the
way but I knew that I could hitchhike to Jerusalem and crash at her home.
She told great stories and always had a suggestion or two
about what you should be doing with your life. That, was the social worker
coming through. I have to admit that colored through my youth and desire for independence,
I didn't always listen as closely as I should have, not to her advice and not
to her stories. I think it was an issue of familiarity; how could someone so close
be important. She was my Aunt Alissa, and I didn't really give her history
before I got to know her much thought. Often my mother would explain things as
we drove home. “You know, the woman she mentioned, that used to borrow eggs to
cook breakfast? That was the mother of the current prime minister” “When Aunt
Alissa talks about serving in ‘the army’, she’s talking about the Haganah and
the Palmach”.
When I performed as an actress for the first time in Hebrew,
she came to the show and sat next to my mother and beamed in pride. When I
performed in little hole-in-the-wall theatres in Jerusalem she came and
sometimes even invited friends.
And when I decided to come back to North America for a year
after getting out of the army, she dug into the back of her closet and pulled
out a navy blue Holt Renfrew coat and insisted it was the only thing that would
keep me warm in a Winnipeg Winter.
When I went back to Jerusalem years later as a rabbinical
student, she ticked me off by telling me I should have stuck with acting
because she didn’t believe women should be rabbis. She felt that I was so
talented an actress; I couldn't possibly succeed at anything else so I shouldn't
try. Of course, she was right about my acting talents but would change her mind
later about the rabbi part. She came to New York to hear me give my senior
sermon at JTS. Sitting with the family later she said that she had decided I
was going to be an amazing rabbi and not only was she proud of me but she knew
my grandfather, the Talmud scholar, would be proud as well.
Most recently, she had taken to ‘following’ me on Facebook.
She would send a little email note to say she had enjoyed something or to
correct or add something I didn't know about our family history.
My mother called this morning to tell me she had passed
away. I started sharing stories with my husband and realized how little I knew
about her outside of her role as my aunt. So I did what we do; I googled her.
Alissa Poskanzer, nee Freda Flam was an amazing woman. She
arrived in Palestine by boat in the early 1940s, studied at the Hebrew
University in Jerusalem, worked for the youth aliyah department, believed in
equal rights for all Israel’s citizens, was involved early on with absorbing
the Ethiopian community, wrote and published a book about that work, published
numerous papers and spoke at conferences internationally, raised two wonderful children, my cousins, Ethan and Dafi, who in turn raised wonderful children and served as a role model for me and
countless other women that you could love, have a family and a career. And she
was a role model for both men and women that you not only
have to stand up for your own thoughts and desires but you need to fight for
others as well.
May her memory be a blessing
http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF02249354#page-1
