FEAR

There have been times in my life when I have been afraid.  Not thunder and lightning afraid or ‘Boo! You jumped’ afraid but fear so raw that it made me hyperventilate. It was fear so intense that my basest survival instincts kicked in.

I think that those are the moments in every person’s life when you get the gift of clarity.  You get an answer to the question of how you will react or behave when your life is truly and unequivocally in danger.

It isn’t important what the situations are, it’s how we respond.  

I once had a conversation with a bouncer from a bar who was not a stereotypical bouncer He was smaller and not very imposing and yet he had one of the best records for safety and diffusing ‘iffy’ situations  He would go up to the drunk with a knife or a broken bottle and calmly put his arm around him and explain how he wasn’t concerned about the drunk using the knife because he knew the drunk was a great guy, but he was concerned for who might want to challenge the drunk to a fight and as a favor to him would the dunk let him put the knife out of the reach of the jerks who might not be a great.   He diffused the situation and he did it without violence and he had an almost 100% success rate.  He did it with no body armor, no gun and no deaths.

His theory was that tonight he was the bouncer and someone else was drunk but tomorrow he might be the drunk and someone else the bouncer.  In his words, ‘We're all really just human'.

In those moments when real fear kicked in, I was lucky enough to be scared not only for myself but for others nearby.  There are situations that having been in them and been fearful, I will spend my life trying not to be in them again. And there are situation for which I will volunteer because I trust my response more than others

It is how we react to fear that distinguishes us.  

Do we turn internally from our fear, close ourselves off from anything that has potential to scare us?

Do we strive to understand the fear; the what and the why and also the cause? To try to understand the thing that frightens us and possibly lessen the fear?

Do we denigrate the fear itself as well as the cause believing that if the cause has no value then the fear will subside?

Do we inflate the cause and demonize it to mythical dimensions thereby justifying our fear?  ‘See how scary the other is? No wonder we are scared.’

Perhaps we should embrace the fear; acknowledge it and accept that I am afraid. It is a flaw in me, not in you.

I don’t care how scared you are or how demonic the person coming at you seems, there is no reason to shoot one unarmed person six times.

FAILURE

BANG  BANG  BANG  BANG  BANG  BANG 

Six shots from a non automatic gun - Six pulls on the trigger.

Imagine

Six pumps on a spray cleaner
Six pumps on a hair spray bottle
Six pumps of breath freshener
Six sprays of hand sanitizer
Six presses on the elevator call button
Six pumps of flavored syrup in a fancy shmancy coffee

How many is enough?

BANG

My life is interwoven with people of different hues and shades. We are coworkers and study partners and neighbors and friends. I fear I am in a minority for that statement alone.  My life is also interwoven with people who have never spoken to a person born in another country, and some who assume stereotypes are the only option and some who are set in their ways and can't imagine why they should change and still others that don't grasp how much the world has changed or how much it hasn't.

And through it all I hoped for a better world.  I not only hoped; but I tried to create the world I want to be part of; to be the change I think we need.   

But somewhere along the way we didn’t succeed. We didn’t make a safer world; a gentler world; a smarter world for all of us.  Yes, here and there are pockets or glimmers but in general we as a society have failed.

BANG

In successful societies, we support unconditionally until circumstances are no longer supportable. We give the benefit of the doubt until there is no doubt. We presume innocence until our own innocence and that of our future generations is compromised.

We failed to follow through.

BANG

We’ve failed our children; black and white and any other shade. We’ve failed to give them a safe environment to thrive in. We’ve failed our minority groups; whether color, gender, sexual orientation, or religion. We have failed to give them the same laudable American experience previous generations had.

BANG

We’ve failed our police officers. Protect and serve is not mitigated by preferences of the person in uniform. One does not get to choose. They should be trained better; should be trained to respect as well as protect. We failed to train them in alternative methods, failed to teach them empathy or compassion and failed to teach them that every life is worthy. We failed to give them the tools needed to do the job.

BANG

We’ve failed by not expecting each and every person live up to their potential. We have allowed the ‘soft prejudice of low expectations’ to impact on our neighbors and communities.

We’ve failed ourselves and our future. But we’re not done. Now the hard work towards success needs to start.

Before the next bang.